Mini-Me's Excited, but Not Excited

Mini-Me has been in a play for the last two and a half months.  Her high school is putting on a production of Grease, and last Thursday, Friday, and Saturday was the first three of their six shows.  My girls have always tried mentioning to their dad any events they are taking part in in the hopes that maybe he'll come see them sometime.  It has never happened.  Well, there was Mini-Me's 8th grade promotion, but that's different. Then miracles of all miracles happened.  Mini-Me told me that her dad was going to try and come out for her play.

I hadn't put much stock into it, because it included the word "try".  I didn't want her to get too hopeful, because she has put a lot of that into her dad and has been disappointed time and time again.  You see, Mini-Me was 'daddy's girl', but that was before our divorce, my kids and I moving to California, and his girlfriend of about five years.

The girls go and visit him in Las Vegas about four or five times a year.  At first, it was very extensive: spring break, seven weeks in the summer, alternating Thanksgiving, and one week during Christmas break.  That changed not long after he got with his girlfriend.  He became someone totally different than they had known.  He was now doing whatever his girlfriend wanted.  Our kids, plus his son from his first ex-wife, were constantly getting into trouble for the dumbest things or things they didn't do.  My ex-mother-in-law happened to come out that summer to see them, but her time was cut short due to the fact that my girls wanted to come home after three weeks.  My husband and I had been there to see my family during vacation, they ended up coming home with us.  Every year since, they have wanted to shorten the time with their dad.  From seven weeks, it went to three, and now it's two.  My girls have told me on many occasions that they want to visit him even less, and at times, they say they don't want to permanently.

They usually complain that they don't see their dad much due to work or sleep.  They are not allowed to go outside, not even in the backyard, without an adult.  They are usually left to their own devices for a few hours everyday while everyone is at work.  The girls love their little sister, but when they are there visiting their dad, they don't feel like it's taking care of her is their responsibility, or that they have to play with her constantly just because she'll whine if they don't.  Sometimes my brother and sister-in-law will ask them if they can come over, but my ex doesn't like to let them do that much.  The last time he did, it was because he needed them to stay somewhere for the first two days of their visit due to his girlfriend having a hysterectomy and needing 'rest'.  I get it that a person needs rest after surgery.  Heck, I've had my share, too, but I never sent my kids off anywhere in case they were  too noisy. But I digress.  Two days later after she told me he would try to come, she said that he was coming.

He's arriving tomorrow and leaving Friday.  He said that due to some shake-ups at work, he could only come for a day.  This is also his year for Thanksgiving, but it looks like we're switching years.  He'll have them for the next two.  He asked me to make sure that the girls were okay with it.  I didn't have to.  They had told me a few weeks ago that they didn't want to go.  And just a few months before that, they said that they didn't want to go at Thanksgiving at all anymore.  They never tell him, because he lays the guilt trip on them.  I never tell him, because that's just not something I would do.

My girls love their dad, but they're tired of being disappointed.  They're tired of not seeing him enough when they are with him, not being able to do anything, or go anywhere.  There are many more reasons they have said why they don't want to visit or why they are disappointed, but that's best left to the girls and my ex to work through.

It's funny. Mini-Me told me the other day that she's excited but not excited about him coming here.  She said that she's not super excited that he's coming, she's just excited by the fact that he's actually coming out for something that she's involved in because he's never before.  Here's hoping that he'll do the same for Miss La-Di-Da-Di someday.

BlogBlast 4 Peace~November 4, 2012

Six years ago, my lovely bloggy friend, Mimi, started a movement for peace.  When you get the chance, please read the story of Papa's Marbles.

Today is Mimi's Papa's birthday, whom she has said was the most peaceful man she ever knew.  I'm lucky to be sharing the same birthday.  I'm also lucky to be sharing in this day of peace with my friends and people all over the world who have joined in this movement.  Peace be with you all.
Pam aka

There Goes My Blogging Roll

Well, as soon as I made a commitment to myself to blog for 365 days straight, I get sick. I am well enough to get on the computer to say that I'm sick, but I'm not well enough to sit here and write a well thought out post.  Looks like I'll be sort of starting over.  Basically, I'll just have to add a day or two at the end of my blogging year. I hope I'm not feeling this crappy too long, because being sick sucks.

Is This Halloween?

It was a very strange Halloween this year.  Every year, since we moved into this community eight years ago, we have had lots of trick-or-treaters. Our house was always one that the kids knew they had to hit up. Tonight, however, there was hardly anyone passing out candy, and there weren't that many kids.

I usually leave the task of passing out the candy to my husband, because I don't like to deal with some of the teens.  You know, the ones that don't wear costumes, get a little obnoxious, a little loud, and just suck the fun out of Halloween.  I don't mind if older kids are coming to our door as long as they're in costume and are polite.  But I digress.

I had told hubs that I would hold down the fort until he came home. He got home about 6:30 PM, and I had not one kid come to the door.  I think it was around 7 PM when we got a group that included Miss La-Di-Da-Di.  It would be another 20-30 minutes before another group came.  We had one group of teen boys that had two dressed up, and the rest were not.  The ones not dressed up just held out their hands to receive candy.  My husband asked the boys without costumes where their candy bags were, and one said, "I lost it, sir."  We finally got some little ones, and that's always my favorite.

We have this genie head in a 'crystal ball' that is motion activated.  I remember how afraid the little kids were when we first got it.  Now, the little kids love it.  We had one little boy dressed as Spider-Man not want to leave because of it.  He was probably around four years old and so adorable.

I have told my husband that maybe we shouldn't pass out candy anymore, mainly due to some of the teenagers.  But, he loves seeing the little kids in their costumes, as do I, and we get a kick out of them saying, "Trick-or-Treat."  I'm sure we'll be passing out candy again next year.

 I don't know.  Is the fun getting sucked out of this thing?  Are people just 'over it?'

Anyways, I hope everyone had a safe Halloween, and I'll just leave you with this:

Me and the 10th Doctor having a bit of Halloween fun.

Father of My Son, Where Have You Been?

A few days ago I was checking out my son's Facebook wall as I do from time to time, and I noticed a plethora of posts regarding fathers and a few about mothers.  The last time I had seen that happen came not long after his dad's wife sent him a friend request.  There wasn't as many posts then, but I think it was because it was the not actually his father.

I scrolled down his wall a little further to see a post about his father sending a friend request. I knew there had to be a reason for the posts. You see, in my son's 25 years, his father has only seen him about 5 times.  The last time his father came around was 10 years ago. The time before that was 10 years in between as well.

I guess I should give a little back story. For those who have read my blog since the beginning, you may remember the story about me getting pregnant at 19 (almost 20), and how my dad was there for me when I said that I wanted to keep my baby and not marry the father. Well, that happened about two weeks before I was supposed to marry my son's dad. I was already so angry with him at the way he announced my pregnancy to my parents, but I wanted to keep my baby, and getting married seem like the only alternative. For those two weeks, I cried. A lot. When my dad told me it was my choice, and whatever I wanted to do was what we would do, I had never felt so relieved in my life.

After I broke it off with him, I didn't see him for my entire pregnancy.  It wasn't for his lack of trying, but I couldn't tolerate the way he was handling the breakup.  He was trying to cling to me with everything that he had. You might think it's sweet, and I think had I still loved him, I would have thought so, too.  I just knew that there was no future for us. At least, not on my part.

The day after I gave birth, I got a call from someone.  It was from a female, who I maybe met only once.  She was a friend of my son's father, and he had had her call to talk to me about our child.  I had thought a lot about my son's father being in his life, so I told him he could come over. He came over a couple of times, but it was clear to me that he was trying to use our son to get back together with me.  I wouldn't see him again for another five years.

I was suffering from extreme vertigo for two years, so I couldn't work.  I decided to go on state welfare for the medicaid so that I could see a doctor. One of the conditions of getting state assistance is that they have to  go after the father for child support. I had not collected anything in those five years with the exception of the help I asked for with diapers, formula, etc., when he first saw his son.  I really didn't want them to find him, but I really needed to see a doctor.

My son's father didn't know where I lived, but one day he showed up at my door.  Apparently, he had been driving by and had seen me outside(we lived off of a busy street).  He came to my door with the letter from the D.A.'s office.  I explained to him that if I didn't need the medicaid for our son and myself, he would have never heard from me.

He sat there telling us, my mom, our son, and me about his life the last five years. Apparently, he got marrried and divorced from one person. Then he told us he was getting married, he was married, no, he was getting married, and had another kid. He flipped-flopped so many times, but in the end, he was married. I think that he thought if he told me he wasn't yet that it would make a difference to me. He also sat there and told us that he had a new baby and loved his kid. I told him that our son was his kid, too.  I also told him that I was up for him to see our son anytime he wanted as long as he called first.  As you can imagine, my five year old kid was pretty nervous about the whole situation.

Well, he called me immediately after he got home, and I reiterated what I had said earlier, and I meant it.  I didn't hear from him again for a week or two until he showed up late one night at our house, drunk, and yelling that he wanted to speak to me. My dad told him to come back when he wasn't drunk.  Ten years later, I get a letter in the mail from the Family Mediation center.  His father wanted to get visitation.  I, of course, went to the mediation, because I knew that: one, I could be in trouble by the court. Two, I really wanted to give him a chance again despite the other times.

We sorted it out, and his first visit was with me and our son at a Taco Bell.  We figured having a casual dinner with me along would be the best since he hadn't seen our son in 10 years.  This was a little bit before our son turned 16. I then let my son go over to his dad's house for a BBQ.  My son's father called me not long after and told me to pick our son up, because he couldn't handle it.

I don't know what he expected.  Did he expect his kid to be like him? To be like his son's who are into sports?  Did he really think he was going to have any influence on our son now that he was a teen and had his own personality?  Our son is the total opposite of everything that his dad is. He was more into music, books, and writing than sports. He was not the outdoorsy type. He was also far more intelligent than his dad, and I think that had a lot to do with how my son felt towards his dad.  The first thing my son told me after talking with his dad that first time was that his dad's an idiot.  I could give an example here, but I won't.

He called me sometime between the first meeting with our son and the second.  He had told me that he told his wife that he needed to start talking with our son, because he thought about him all the time.  Then he went to a place where I don't think any married man should ever go.

He told me the reason why he didn't come see our son after the first time he found me.  He said that when he saw me again, he still had feelings for me.  He said that he had told his wife that I was the love of  his life, that we had a son that he wanted to see.  What kind of man would ever tell his wife that someone else is/was the love of their life? I told him that he really shouldn't be telling me any of these things, and he definitely shouldn't have told his wife that.

My son and I didn't hear from him again until our son's 16th birthday.  He called for our son, but my son had went out with his friends for the night.  So he talked to me for a bit with promises to help our son out with a car, because he had told our son he would.  That never came to fruition.  We hadn't heard from him again after that call.

I guess in some ways that was okay with me, because the separation from my ex-husband came during this time.  I was also suffering from Hashimoto's thyroiditis, but I didn't know it at the time.  I wasn't, and I'm still not, the best or perfect mom, but I did what I could. My son has said on many occasions he was glad not to have his dad help raise him.  Then I see the posts, and sometimes I wonder how much of an affect has it had on him.

Every father's day he likes to post up the song, "Father of Mine", by Everclear, and discuss how he has no father.  I think it probably bothers him in some small way, but not as much as some might think.  Yet, here we are again in that every-ten-years pattern.  I don't know if his dad has communicated with him through private message, but I don't think my son's dad should hold out too much hope.

New Writing Goal for the Next 365 Days

I haven't been blogging here much in awhile. It has become easier just to make short and sweet posts, or to reblog things on tumblr. I didn't have to put forth any real effort into anything I did write. It's been a bit of a struggle for me to come up with any real content for this blog, probably because I felt a little bored, and my heart wasn't into it for the last couple of years or so.

I have made many attempts to try and start writing here again, but those are few and far between with occasional reviews/giveaways. So my goal is, for the next 365 days, is to post something on this blog. I think even if it's just a photo I've taken, at least I'm making a commitment to try and see it through.

I've started many 365 projects, mostly photography, and I've yet to see any through. Heck, I even tried to do the monthly photo-a-day thing. I couldn't get further than two weeks. I'm going to be 46 in a few days, I think it's time that I followed through. Wish me luck! lol
 

New Iron Man 3 Trailer!

Iron Man 3 hits theaters May 3, 2013!

Marvel’s “Iron Man 3” pits brash-but-brilliant industrialist Tony Stark/Iron Man against an enemy whose reach knows no bounds. When Stark finds his personal world destroyed at his enemy's hands, he embarks on a harrowing quest to find those responsible. This journey, at every turn, will test his mettle. With his back against the wall, Stark is left to survive by his own devices, relying on his ingenuity and instincts to protect those closest to him. As he fights his way back, Stark discovers the answer to the question that has secretly haunted him: does the man make the suit or does the suit make the man?

 Disclosure: I was provided the information to share with readers and received no compensation.  I will share anything that I think my readers will love as much as I do.